Originally written: August 2022
We’ve been in the midst of a distressing situation that I’ve been thinking about a lot recently. It has led me to reflect on the following philosophy (or theology) behind the situation, and I wonder if it rings true for anyone else:
I believe we are meant to *love* people and *use* things.
You might say, “I love pizza.” But that’s just semantics.
Do we want what’s best for the pizza? Do we care that the pizza flourishes in the future? Do we need to protect the pizza’s heart and soul?
No.
We want to consume the pizza. We want to use it for our pleasure and our sustenance.
We use the things. We love the people.
When it’s the other way around, we find trouble.
Using people is akin to taking away their humanity, ignoring their inherent dignity and free will. Slavery is a straight-forward example. It’s treating a person as a possession, as a thing.
In less obvious ways, some end up using people instead of loving them when it comes to work (and other relationships).
When we own a *thing* that’s valuable to us, we might tighten our grip around it, out of fear of losing that thing.
But tightening our grip is problematic when it comes to our fellow human beings. Ironically, this can be mistaken for “care” when in reality, trying to control someone is a clue we want some *use* out of them for our own purposes.
It comes back to people being meant for love. (Not romance or some feeling, but the act of wanting the best for each other.)
Love can’t be forced or purchased. Love can only be reciprocated when it’s freely given. Without respecting the other’s freedom and autonomy, there’s no chance for them to truly reciprocate love.
Love is hands open, willing to let go, especially when it allows what’s best for the other.
Use holds on tighter. Use feels threatened by the other’s autonomy and boundaries. Use seeks to control and manipulate. No matter if you disguise it with financial compensation, nice words, or other benefits, it’s missing love.
This is what I’ve learned to recognize in new ways lately.
It wasn’t clear at first, I think because in work, labor might be considered a *thing* we purchase. However, the laborer behind that work is a *person*. Hence, the rule of love applies.
Simply Intentional 