I was struggling last night working on a post about being thankful. I looked over the words and felt sick and uninspired by my written garbage. To be honest, I just felt it wasn’t very truthful and it wasn’t very me.
We just watched the movie “Julie and Julia” (a movie I didn’t think I would like so much) that shared the lives of two remarkable women. I was impressed by their stories (won’t spoil the movie) that in good times or bad, we must be who we are, do what we love, and above all, do what my dad has always said to me, “Just be thankful.”
I left the movie reflecting and convicted that often, I am not as grateful for the life I have as I should be. I wonder if I tell and show the people who are most important to me that I love them enough, I wonder if they know. I wonder about the people who I haven’t spoken to in years, or loved ones that have passed on, whether or not they knew how much they mean to me. Of course I also think about those that have also hurt me, whether they knew or not, if they know how much they affected my life, the memories I cannot forget, the forgiveness that was hard to find. And finally, I think of those that I have hurt, and whether they know how sorry I am, whether I meant to hurt them or not.
Yet, I am constantly reminded by others and God that in my life, that all of it, the good and the difficult, is my life. Each hurtful comment, each hug of support, each difficult choice, each hair on my head lost, each treasured and also painful memory makes me who I am, and while there is a lot I am not proud of, I do find hope in where I am now and I truly am thankful for my life and the people in it.
I want my Dad’s words of “Just be thankful,” to be my mantra and life goal. I think of the other movie I saw today, “UP”, (it’s vacation….you are allowed two movies on vacation). I am deeply touched how they showed that no matter how painful it is to lose someone you love, that the gift is to treasure every single moment.
Thank you God for the life I have lived so far, please help me to be thankful for all of it, and for whatever is to come. Please help me to be thankful and show my gratitude everyday for those that I love and for those that are difficult to love. Thank you for movies like “Julie and Julia” and “UP”, and thank you for making me, me.
I leave you with one of my favorite poems that truly speaks to me about who I am, and what I would say if someone wanted to know about me. Thanks William.
Ask Me
Some time when the river is ice ask me
mistakes I have made. Ask me whether
what I have done is my life. Others
have come in their slow way into
my thought, and some have tried to help
or to hurt: ask me what difference
their strongest love or hate has made.
I will listen to what you say.
You and I can turn and look
at the silent river and wait. We know
the current is there, hidden; and there
are comings and goings from miles away
that hold the stillness exactly before us.
What the river says, that is what I say.
-William Stafford
ps. I really appreciate everyone’s support with my P90X challenge. Day 19 and still going strong… J
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